Ranking Horses by how much they remind me of Bojack Horseman

by FNE Pop Culture and Media Consultant Greg Roitbourd

Hey everyone. I’ve been getting a lot of horse memes recently and while I wanted to send them to our lord and savior (JVB) as individual entries for FNE, I thought “hey, what the heck, let’s make a ranking.” So here I am, at 9pm in the Merrick Theater procrastinating 3 assignments because I need to rank horses from the internet. Okay here we go.

Number 1: Horse drink from straw on Brazilian TikTok Livestream. -

So I think this horse is not very Bojack because I think the straw drinking is throwing me off a little bit. The horse seems so kind. And loving. I’d like to be this horse’s friend. I’m glad this guy is being kind to his horse friend. But this makes me think of questions: why is the horse inside the home? How did he get in there? How long have these two been friends? I hope that the horse is having a good time drinking this though and he looks like he is enjoying his drink.

Number 2: Horse and glass of wine

Okay so this one right off the bat, you’d think would be Bojack, but no. Sure, there is glass of wine, but think about it this way: this horse is giving you the glass of wine. Bojack Horseman is a selfish asshole and doesn’t do that for people. He is greedy and only thinks about himself. This horse is being polite and offering you a taste of the most decadent sauvignon blanc and you have no choice but to accept!!!!!!

Number 3 and 4: Horse lay on ground and look away from small horse

This horse is definitely Bojack. He is so sly and lazy and I hate him. He needs to get up and pay attention to this little guy. She is wonderful and spots and amazing because she knows how to put in the work. She makes me smile and make me have a good time. This big guy is not good and I hate him again. He is bringing the vibes down.

Number 5: Horse sitting on Yellow Chair

this guys is sitting on yellow chair. I think that’s good but also can be bad. What is he sitting on yellow chair for?? Alcoholism? Violence against minors? I don’t think we should be viewing this guy as the cutesy guy he thinks he is.

Number 6: horse in the Doorway

See how polite this one is? He is so polite for being in the doorway and not barging in. he looks like a child that is looking at their parents arguing and isn’t sure whether or not he should walk into the room. He is so polite and considerate of this conversation however. I think he is not Bojack at all when Bojack is an adult but is so bojack when he was a little kid.

Number 7: Traces of Texas Horse in a car

Who put this guy in a car? Where is he goiung? I think he is arrested and going to jail. Bojack.

Okay that’s all for my ranking thank you so much for reading my ranking and I hope you subscribe friends onto Friend Named Email for more future fun rankings! Thanks!!!!!!