FRIEND NAMED EMAIL

This is the fifth issue of Friend Named Email, which means that we have been at this shit for just over a month now. In that time, we have accomplished a great deal. Our numbers have expanded every week, with more people subscribing to receive the newsletter all the time. We have also accumulated a handful of talented (if flakey) writers and other contributors who have helped to make this publication what it is.

This is only the beginning. As we continue on this journey, we expect to grow even further. But what is the point? What actually is Friend Named Email all about?

At its core, FNE represents the beginning of a much needed revolution in digital communication, a rejection of the conventions of online journalism. We are reshaping what it means to be an Email – and what it means to be a Friend. We reject sterile corporate graphic design in favor of an expressive style that is grounded in the basic elements of the digital. We reject the unforgiving neutrality of news journalism in favor of a philosophy that aims to mislead, misdirect, misinform, and mistreat the public, all in pursuit of a more pure form of truth. We also reject the traditional means of informal internet communication — social media, text messages, etc — which are all items of bourgeoisie decadence and have no place in the Second Internet Revolution.

As Chairman Mao once said, “Political power grows out of the body of an email.” Our goal is to create a moment — a moment for space, to foster a community that is in temporal dialogue with the moment in time that it is in. Friend Named Email is that space. It is a room. It is your bedroom after a night of heavy drinking, clothes strewn across the floor, shattered glass and gummy bears in your teeth, and the sound of your mom and your ex-boyfriend calling you repeatedly over and over echoing through your head.

Friend Named Email is that girl. The girl reading this. The one you accidentally hooked up with that one time but she’s kind of weird and schizophrenic and has a pet beetle. The girl next door. The girl who is also a boy and also a man and also a secret third thing. The girl who is a dog. Friend Named Email is a dog-girl on Twitter.com with bad takes on everything. Why is everything that comes out of her mouth so awful? What does “pup/pupself” mean? What is a queer platonic group chat? Did I eat breakfast today? Fuck I’m hungry.

This is what’s at stake, folks. In the end, they're not coming after Friend Named Email. They're coming after you — and Friend Named Email is just standing in their way. It is critical that we continue to grow our subscriber base to spread TRUE, VERIFIED, CORRECT, NON-FACT CHECKED, SUPER BASED INFORMATION to the American public.

Get your friends subscribed today. And please please for the love of GOD, send us shit to publish. If you have a journalistic vision, we can make it happen here.

Friend Named Email – it’s in the game.